General Conference: They Talked About Depression!

Wow. Just... wow!

I know I've said before there isn't any way I could deny the existence of my loving Heavenly Father, but I just feel even more so the reality of His being...and of his Divine charity and grace towards us all.

I love General Conference! I don't think I could even accurately convey to you how much I LOVE it! And the messages shared this particular session were so personally and emotionally poignant for me.

I needed to know God loved me. I needed to know he cared. I needed to know that there were words from our dear sweet Apostles and Prophets about that which I, and so many others, struggle with.

And I was more than blessed with just such messages. Not one, but two!

Thank you, President Monson and Elder Holland. You have filled my heart. My soul is full of gratitude for your kind and loving remarks about the very thing that plagues and haunts me.

I love you for the time and service you put in, so that someone like me might hear the words that God needed me to hear.

I thank you for your service and I thank my Heavenly Father for His infinite love, again and again.

If you didn't get a chance to hear their messages I've linked them for you here:

Elder Jeffery R. Holland's Conference Talk

And here:

President Monson's General RS Meeting Talk: "We Never Walk Alone"


You can also check out the rest of the General Conference messages here:

October 2013 General Conference


What messages touched your heart this conference session?

Practical Ways of Managing Depression: Positivity Journals

Okay, so a long time ago I promised that I would share some of the things I have been doing to help me manage my struggle with depression and anxiety. It has taken me a while to get around to it, so I hope you'll forgive me.

The honest truth, or so I have come to find out, is really that there is no one (let alone easy) answer to dealing with something like this.

Despite the many medications or supplements out there (and yes, I've tried and continue to try many), there is no magic pill, no simple way to solve this.

At least not in my experience.

Rather, I am finding that there are many different things that can be done and are usually better done simultaneously, in an effort to combat the spells of anxiety and depression.

In essence, the greatest tool in fighting depression, for me anyways, has been the willingness to embrace a change in lifestyle. To do whatever I needed to do to help my body and mind become whole, healthy, and happy.

For me, this has meant changing my diet,  adding supplements, reworking the way I spend and organize my time, fixing my sleeping habits, and adding more movement into my life.

It has meant creating better coping mechanisms, changing my inner voice, forcing myself to be more social, being willing to add my opinion in the public square, and putting a concentrated effort into verbal or written acknowledgement of that which is positive and good.

Which brings me to my first practical suggestion for managing depression: creating for yourself a Positivity Journal.

Ugh. I know. This sounds vaguely reminiscent of all the less than helpful comments you've received through out your journey in depression:

 "Well, you just gotta try being positive! You really have no reason to be sad! Have you ever thought about just being happy?"

Gasp. Why didn't any of us realize it was that easy? We're all cured!!!

Okay, so all sarcasm aside, as much as I hate it when depression and anxiety are trivialized in this manner, looking on the "bright side" of life should not be a suggestion we just throw out.

 So, as long as it is coupled with many other mood modifying strategies, not to mention an honest understanding of what depression is and how it works, taking the time to list out (physically, mentally, or verbally) all the positive aspects of your life can be a very therapeutic and beneficial practice.

Like I said before, no easy answer, no magic pill, but rather the sum total of many changes in habit and lifestyle.

And so I made myself a positivity journal. And I'd like to share it with any of you who may be interested in using it.

Simply enough, it is a place to write down all the positive aspects of your life. The things you are grateful for, and most importantly, the things you admire and love about yourself.

Perhaps that seems a bit narcissistic, but seriously, for me, who is about as far from a narcissist as you can get, it has been extremely beneficial to take the time to list out the many reasons why I am a good and admirable person with something to offer the world.

If even for a few minutes, it drowns out the voices of  inadequacy, anxiety, and self loathing.

And if I don't particularly feel like writing at any given moment, my journal can be a resource I can turn to to help ground me in reality.

I can look at the list I have compiled and see all the things I have done well, the reasons why I am proud of myself, and the talents I am grateful I've been blessed with.

And in seeing these things, I can be reminded that life really is good and I really am a good too, despite whatever chemical imbalance in my body is trying to convince me otherwise.

So there you have it. Practical advice numero uno, plus a few different free printables to boot. 

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(Feel free to download for personal use only. Please see the full disclaimer on my freebies page before using. These printables were made using graphics by ValerianeDigital.)

So what do you truly love and admire most about yourself? Have you done a positivity journal before? Definitely not a new concept, or even something only for those who struggle with depression or anxiety. I remember my husband and I used to keep a gratitude journal where we'd write something the other person did that we appreciated. It was a good way to hang on to the more precious moments and memories in our lives!

Trying Something New: Photography

Does it all circle back around to depression around here these days? Well, yah. I think it does. But I think this is advice anybody can gain from, because really...everyone has some small amount of sadness here and there in their lives.

I have been finding that a practical way of relieving some of that sadness is to throw yourself into something you love. Or try something new that you've always dreamed of doing.

Just recently, I decided I would give more effort into learning how to be a better photographer. I don't know that I particularly expect to create a business out of it or anything, but I do expect to learn a lot.

And I love the feeling of trying something I've never done before... it is fun to know that you are capable. Even if you aren't fantastic at it, it is still an enabling feeling to do it anyways. 

These photos are from my first (not-related-to-me-family) photo shoot, taken last Saturday.

And I already learned so much. First off, for some reason I went heavy on the angles. And I also had my f-stop too low for some of the photos. Blah! 

I was initially frustrated by this, but then I realized...this is exactly why I wanted to do a photo shoot in the first place. To get experience!

 I never could have realized my misunderstandings of f-stop, framing, and posing without having taken the opportunity to try!

So, overall, I am happy with how these photos turned out! This family is so lovely and sweet and they were super patient with my lack of photo session skills!

And I have to say, for being an amateur photographer, I am loving how these turned out! I surprised myself!! It gives me hope that maybe someday this could become a talent of mine.

 But if not, oh well! Success is in the choice to try, not the product that comes from trying. 

What do you secretly dream of doing? What do you wish you had the time/money to try? I know photography has been on my list for years but I only recently acquired a Camera nice enough to begin trying it out! I'd love to hear your dreams and efforts to do something that truly makes you happy!

How Christ is Helping Me Overcome Depression: Christ Reminds Me That I Have Infinite Worth and There is Hope

Early in my depression,  every night before I went to bed I began to have this awful restless and unnerving feeling.

The kind of feeling you get when you realize you forgot to turn in your final project for history class,  you read the time wrong on your itinerary and missed your flight, or after saying something dumbfoundedly stupid and everyone in the room, including yourself knows it. 

And you sit there, beating yourself up inside wondering, 'What the heck was I thinking?'

And every night, every single night, I would sit down on my bed when the day was over and I would feel like this. This terrible sinking feeling like I had done something wrong, made some huge mistake, or failed in some huge way.  And I had no clue why. 

Because I hadn't done anything. Nothing, nada. Nothing, anyways, that could explain why I was feeling like that.

But after a while of feeling this, night after night, my brain started to come up with reasons to justify why I felt the way I did. And they weren't at all good for my sense of self worth.

I wish I could say that I had a good self-esteem. I really wish that I did. But I just didn't. I had developed some pretty bad habits in how I perceived my own value, and my poor opinion of myself was only exacerbated by these terrible feelings I was having every night.

In many ways I began to connect my lack of joy and the nightly sinking feelings with how worthless I felt on top of it all: I must feel so terrible because I am so terrible. 

So, unfortunately, while I was perfectly aware that I had many friends and family that loved and cared for me, to me it didn't matter. Because inside, I knew that they were all wrong. I wasn't really worth loving at all.

It was just some lucky coincidence that they hadn't realized that yet. They didn't know me like I knew me. They didn't see how often I failed, how big I failed. Every day of my life. And every failure I ever made in life was just further proof to me that I felt terrible because I was terrible.

Hard to feel like you have any worth when you feel like you're a terrible person.

Despite these feelings, I did still have my faith in my Savior. I knew he was real. And I knew he loved me infinitely. Like I said before, at this point in my life, there was no denying or questioning it. But I was having a very hard time believing that he would forgive someone 'like me'.

The type of person who got on her knees morning and night and prayed for forgiveness and for help overcoming the same things she'd probably end up doing again tomorrow.

And how could I do that? How could I keep getting on my knees each day and ask for forgiveness when it seemed like I was making zero improvement? Wasn't that hypocritical? How could I really be sincere if I kept trying to be better and kept failing at it, day after day?

I am grateful for the scriptures and the words of the prophets, for it was the only way I was able to realize I had not only grossly misinterpreted the atonement, doctrine, and gospel of Jesus Christ, but I had also grossly misinterpreted what determined my own worth.

In the Priesthood Session of the most recent General Conference, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said:

"It can be discouraging at times to know what it means to be a son [or daughter] of God and yet come up short. The adversary likes to take advantage of these feelings. Satan would rather that you define yourself by your sins instead of your divine potential. Brethren, don't listen to him."

These words have resonated in my heart and my mind since I heard them. They spoke to the deepest part of my aching soul. A soul who, unfortunately, had been doing exactly that: defining herself by her sins rather than by her potential.  

I had thought that because I had kept making the same mistakes over and over that I had failed, that God wouldn't forgive me. 

But the prophet, President Thomas S. Monson in this address here shares: 

"Our task is to become our best selves. One of God’s greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final."

I had forgotten that part of the purpose of the Atonement of Christ was to allow us the opportunity to keep trying, again and again. It wasn't until I read these words that I re-realized that failure wasn't  making the same mistakes over and over, rather failure, by definition, would be deciding to no longer try.

In the July 2012 Ensign, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf talks about how we are always "in the middle" of our lives and how knowing that can give us hope. He states:

"Being always in the middle means that the game is never over, hope is never lost, defeat is never final. For no matter where we are or what our circumstances, an eternity of beginnings and an eternity of endings stretch out before us."

What amazing and inspiring truths!

But perhaps even more inspiring to me than being taught that hope is never lost and defeat never final, or that the Lord did not consider me a failure because of my many mistakes, was the knowledge that He is merciful and understanding of me and He desires to forgive me.

In the article I shared a few weeks ago, titled The Savior Wants to Forgive, Elder Craig A. Cardon of the Quorum of the Seventy states:

"Providing an opportunity for the Savior to enlighten our understanding, Peter once inquired how many times he should forgive his brother and then asked, “Till seven times?” Surely that would be more than enough. But the Savior’s response opened wide the door to His merciful heart: “I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”

This brings hope to all, especially to those who feel that recurring human weakness is beyond the Savior’s willingness to help and to save."

Indeed that is the beauty of the Atonement and the Grace of God is that He promises us if we just try and keep trying, He will accept us. Not maybe. Not just probably. But He will! For His grace is sufficient, even for habitual mistake makers, like me all of us!

He desires to forgive us! He wants to!

I was also reminded that my worth was not determined by the good or bad choices I made. The Savior loved me infinitely, not conditionally, which meant that my choices had no bearings on the amount of worth He placed on my soul (and likewise that I should place on my soul!).

In Doctrine and Covenants 18:10-12, it says:

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God; For, behold, the Lord your Redeemer suffered death in the flesh; wherefore he suffered the pain of all men, that all men might repent and come unto him. And he hath risen again from the dead, that he might bring all men unto him, on conditions of repentance."

Our Savior died for all men! All of us! Not just those He deemed 'decent', those He considered 'righteous,' or those who didn't make mistakes (as if anyone like that exists!). But every single being that has ever lived on this planet!

And He did it because He places worth, infinite worth, on every individual soul. 

Regardless of whatever choices we would make, He desired to open up to all of us the path of repentance, and thus the path towards true and everlasting peace and happiness (And while that path of repentance does have conditions, our worth in His eyes does not, His love for us does not!).

If that doesn't show us how important we are to Him, what could? As the Savior, Himself, said:

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

So, in retrospect, while I haven't been cured of my struggles with depression, or even the nightly hallow and empty feelings, I have received help. The Holy Ghost has led me to hear and listen to the words that I needed to hear. And these words have given me a greater perspective.

They have helped me redefine failure. They have helped me re-realize my daily divine and inherent worth.

These words of God have helped and are continuing to help me to combat the terrible lie that  'I must feel so terrible because I am so terrible.'

They have reminded me there is hope. These words give me comfort and peace that God loves me for who I am, right now, as I am. And that there is always a brighter future ahead.

Hope is not lost.

Check out my other posts on this subject:

How Christ is Helping Me Overcome Depression (Part 1)

How Christ is Helping Me Overcome Depression: Christ Reminds Me There is a Purpose (Part 2)

How Christ Is Helping Me Overcome Depression: Christ Reminds Me I Have Infinite Worth and There Is Hope (Part 3)

                           

How Christ is Helping Me Overcome Depression: Christ Reminds Me There is a Purpose

When you don't feel joy in life, it is hard to see the point in continuing. So much of why human beings find living in this life worthwhile is the sense of joy or fulfillment in their hobbies, their relationships, their life's experiences.

It is why we put effort into life. Because effort put into the right things leads to joy. We have faith, or hope, that by saving up and planning for this vacation to the Bahamas, that in the end, our trip to the Bahamas will give us happiness, enjoyment, joy.

We learn, by experience, what we do not enjoy: scrapped knees, broken bones, ruined relationships--and we do our best to avoid those things.

We also try to avoid expending more effort than necessary in certain areas of our lives. These areas are different for everyone, but as an example: why would I spend hours and hours baking and decorating a 3 tier cake for my 2 year old's birthday if I'm hating every single minute of it? Why not buy a cake and spend the time I would have used decorating to do something fun with her instead?

The point being, the reason we do anything or put any effort at all into this life is because we believe that the outcome will  justify the expenditure. The effort will make us happy, which makes the effort 'worth it.'

So what happens when slowly, over time, everything in your life leaves you feeling like the effort was a far greater expenditure than it was worth? What happens when no matter how hard you work to try and enjoy each moment, the moments are not enjoyable?

What if everything you ever did made you feel like you were wasting your time? And you 'knew', no matter what you did, that nothing would ever make you happy?

If there is no joy...what's the point? What is the point in going through all this exhaustive effort to feel 'joy', if there is none? And, ( now this is a jump, but it is not as far of a jump as you might think... not for those who feel this way) if you'll never feel joy and happiness again, what is the purpose in living?  You are just going to be miserable the whole time you're alive.

This is what depression does to your mind and your soul. It finds the 'off' switch on your joy mechanism and pulls it, and right with it, it rips the very purpose of your life out of your heart, mind, and soul.

So why didn't I believe those thoughts? And why was I so disturbed by them? Surely, they had developed  slowly enough, overtime, that I should have agreed with them. Wouldn't those thoughts, after all I had been feeling and going through, be the only logical conclusion?

So why did I so desperately search for help, rather than give in?

I know the answer to such questions may be different for everyone, but for me,  the answer was religion.

I was born to two wonderful, Christian parents who were members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. From my earliest childhood, to the time I left their home to venture out in the world as an adult, I was nurtured by the word of God.

When I was twelve years old, I decided I needed to find out for myself if the church I was being raised in was truly the restored gospel of Jesus Christ... or not. I needed to know for myself if there was a God in heaven. And likewise, I needed to have my own knowledge that there really was a Savior.

And if there really was a God in Heaven and a Savior of our souls, then I needed to know if the LDS Church really was led by them, through their servants, the modern day prophets.

These are the questions  that every member of the church, or persons investigating the church, must someday face.

And for me, the answers to these questions came slowly over time. I began my journey by committing to my Heavenly Father in prayer that I would read my scriptures everyday. That I would do my best to pray morning and night. And I prayed, that if I did this, I would be led to know the truth. That I might be able to receive some witness of the validity of the gospel.

In essence, I tried to follow the counsel of Alma, a prophet in the Book of Mormon, who states:

  " Now, as I said concerning faith—that it was not a perfect knowledge—even so it is with my words. Ye cannot know of their surety at first, unto perfection, any more than faith is a perfect knowledge."

    "But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words." 

                                                                                                                                     (Alma 32:26-27)

For me, the witness that I was looking for came two years later, in the form of a special blessing called a Patriarchal Blessing.

The direct guidance and counsel I received that answered so many of my long repeated prayers, the answers to struggles that I hadn't prayed about and of which no one else was aware, and the overwhelming tangible feeling of a loving and warm embrace were all a powerful witness to my soul that I had a Father in Heaven who not only led The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, but also who knew me personally, and who loved and cared about me.

It filled my soul with a testimony that I could/can not, even to this day, deny.  No more than I could honestly deny that the sky is blue, or that the grass is green. From that point on in my life, there was no other option. The Gospel was true. God was real. My Savior loved me. And I physically felt that love.

All that was left, after that, was to do my best, each day, to grow and progress to show my Father in Heaven that I loved him and had faith in him, and then leave the rest of my imperfections and weakness to the infinite grace of His Atonement.

So again, I ask...why did I not believe those thoughts? Why did I recognize that they were not based in reality?

Because I couldn't believe them. It was not even an option. I knew with all my heart that the Gospel of Jesus Christ was true.  And the Gospel taught me that there was a purpose to life and that purpose was called the Plan of Salvation.

It was The Plan of Salvation that taught me we are all children of God. That we lived with God before this life. That we left our Heavenly Father's presence and came to Earth to be tested, learn by experience, and gain a body. And that, if we chose to partake of the Savior's Atonement, after this life we could return to live with God again.

It was my firm faith in and knowledge of this plan that helped me recognize that the tormenting thoughts I was having were not based in reality. That, despite whatever my brain or my body was trying to tell me, there really was a reason for me being here. Even if I was having a hard time feeling it.  

And more than just a reason for being here, I was reminded by these teachings that there was a work for me to do. That I didn't come down here for life to be all frills and thrills, but that I came here to learn, to serve, and to grow.

In the October 2012 General Conference, Elder Jeffery R Holland shared that:

"...we have neighbors to bless, children to protect, the poor to lift up, and the truth to defend. We have wrongs to make right, truths to share, and good to do. In short, we have a life of devoted discipleship to give in demonstrating our love of the Lord. We can't quit and we can't go back."

It was my faith in Christ that helped me take the first steps I needed toward getting help. And it was my faith in Christ that reminded me that the self destructive feelings were wrong. I did have a reason for being on this earth. I had a mission to fulfill while here. I had a place in mind I wanted to end up after this life. And I needed to go and get help, so I could go forward in life and accomplish those goals in peace.

Check out my other posts on this subject:

How Christ is Helping Me Overcome Depression (Part 1)

How Christ is Helping Me Overcome Depression: Christ Reminds Me There is a Purpose (Part 2)

How Christ Is Helping Me Overcome Depression: Christ Reminds Me I Have Infinite Worth and There Is Hope (Part 3)

                           

How Christ is Helping Me Overcome Depression

A little over a year ago I was in a really bad place, mentally and emotionally. I never have wanted or tried to take my life, but the thoughts in my head were horrific.

I'd lay down in the middle of the day and cover my head with my pillow, begging and pleading that the thoughts would go away. If I could just go to sleep, maybe the thoughts would disappear.

I didn't want those thoughts there. I didn't want to hurt myself. I didn't want to die. So why in the world was my brain doing this to me?

Like I said before, it was a very ugly place to be.

But there are pro's and con's to any situation. Before this point, I had never once suspected that I might suffer from depression.  I just figured everyone had the blues, everyone had self esteem issues.

And that is true. To a point. I just didn't know that my version of the blues and self esteem issues were much worse than what other people went through. So I didn't address them. And left unchecked they led me to the nasty place in my mind I found myself in, in January of 2012.

Like I said, pros and cons.

One of the cons, among many, is that I had to let things get as far as I did before I got help. One of the greatest pro's of this whole situation, however, was that I was finally able to recognize that I did need help and I was able to get that help before things could get any worse--before I started to agree with the terrible thoughts.

And for me, I know, that one of the main influences in my life that helped me recognize that I needed help was my upbringing and faith in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And it has been this faith in Christ that has also buoyed me up and continually strengthened me in my fight.

I know it may be tempting for some to think the exact opposite of what I am suggesting in my title. For those who don't share my belief in a higher power (let alone Jesus Christ) it may seem like religion, in regards to depression, is just an extra burden on an already burdened mind, not a source of relief. Maybe even the cause of depression, rather than the respite.

But I am here to share, with all of my heart and soul, that the gospel of Jesus Christ,  indeed the Savior of my soul, has been and continues to be my constant comfort when things in life seem dark and ugly. And He's helping me overcome.

It (religion, faith, belief) has been anything but the salt in my wounds, or the cause of them. It has been an anchor and a shield to me. A source of comfort and peace. And I would like to share with you how.

My first post will begin tomorrow and it will be followed by other posts, all describing my struggles and how my faith has strengthened me and helped me navigate through them.  You will be able to find all of these posts linked back here as I publish them.

I sincerely hope that these posts can be a source of help and inspiration, to someone, somewhere, who may need to hear them.

Check out my other posts on this subject:

How Christ is Helping Me Overcome Depression (Part 1)

How Christ is Helping Me Overcome Depression: Christ Reminds Me There is a Purpose (Part 2)

How Christ Is Helping Me Overcome Depression: Christ Reminds Me I Have Infinite Worth and There Is Hope (Part 3)

                              

A Few Articles that have helped me in my Depression and Anxiety

While I am recovering from a few major surgeries, I thought I would share a few articles that I have read recently that have really helped me in regards to my struggles in the area of depression and anxiety.

Depression hits so many people in so many different ways, so these articles may be helpful to you, but they may not as well.

As for me, however, these articles and talks are like a breath of fresh air. And so, on the off chance that these may touch and heal your hearts as well, I figured I'd share:

The Savior Wants to Forgive


Raising Resilient Children


Notwithstanding My Weakness



I testify to you that Jesus Christ loves each and every one of us. And can help us overcome each of our own personal struggles, whatever they might be.

Now go, read, enjoy.  =].


UPDATE: I fixed the link for the article 'Raising Resilient Children.' I just went to cross reference it and realized it didn't work. Woops! Hope you can go check it out now and enjoy it!

Sincerely, Megan <3

A Word About Depression

I hope this post will be able to help someone who may need it. I said I would eventually post on what has been keeping me so crazy occupied lately in life, and the truth is it is that little (or not so little) 'D' word in that title right there.

And I fear/ed talking to others about it, because of how it is often perceived... or how it could be perceived. I have no desire to be looked upon as broken. Incapable. A mess. Unable to handle myself. Unstable. Crazy. Guilty. Nuts. You name it.

Nor do I wish to label myself with any of those words and box myself in. Because that is not what it is, or who I am, or what I am going through. But, thankfully, I am starting to come around to realize all those perceptions and fears will not help me move forward. But honesty will.

So, I am going to share my honest experience, my honest thoughts and feelings, and the plans I have made or am making to try and move onward, upward, and forward...

Because no one should go home at the end of the day, sit on their bed before they go to sleep, and feel with all their heart like they are the worst person in the world, who has messed up big time. Especially when nothing happened that day that could explain why they feel like that.

But there they sit. Feeling it anyways.

I am thankful to say that those days, through the blessings and guidance I have received from a great husband, wonderful parents, and a loving Heavenly Father, are starting to become fewer and further in between. But I am a work in progress. I am not "there" yet.  (Where ever 'there' is?)

I plan on sharing more specific details of my experiences and things I have learned that have helped me in future posts. But, for now, I just wanted to share with all of you that each and every one of us is infinitely loved.

Even if, like me, you have a very difficult time actually (mentally and/or emotionally) feeling it, that statement is no less true for you. He loves YOU. Perfectly. And so do your friends. And so does your family.

A scripture I read today stuck out to me in a new light, considering what I have been going through lately, and I thought I'd share it with all of you. Who knows, maybe you'll like it too.

"And now as I said concerning faith—faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true."  Alma 32:21

In my case, I have had a hard time seeing (or rather feeling) my own personal worth and value. I have had a difficult time feeling loved and seeing how other people could love me. How could other people be happy with me, if even I wasn't happy with me?

Never the less, truth is truth, whether we can see it or not. Whether anyone believes it or not (Did you watch President Uchtdorf's CES devotional about truth? Wonderful!).  So what I felt when I read this scripture today was that I need to have faith in things which I do not see, which I definitely do not have a perfect knowledge of, but which I hope for (with all my heart)...which are true.

Like my own worth. My own potential. My personal goodness. And the love that others have for me. And perhaps even the idea that someday I might be able to fully overcome all of this and finally feel real love for myself... as I am.

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God;" Doctrine and Covenants 18:10

And so, if you'd like to follow along, you are welcome to join me on my journey. I will be posting about my experiences here and there. I know, for me, it is always nice to have friends on the path who know what I am going through. It helps me remember I am not alone and gives me the strength to keep going.

And so I begin my path back towards wholeness, which I will lovingly call my 'Project Happy', as it occurred to me the other day... maybe a small part of the big solution I am seeking for might be exercising.  Just like muscles need exercise to become stronger and more capable, maybe that's how we build our emotional strength too.

So I will be doing my best to exercise now. My happy muscles, that is!

               "But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words." Alma 32:27