An Answer to a Prayer...

So, today I read my scriptures in the morning. Recently I've been reading in the New Testament, the words of the apostle Paul. This morning I was reading in Philippians 4. The following verse stood out to me:

"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God." Philippians 4:6

I suppose this stood out to me because I had been counseled in a blessing that as I prayed, with sincere gratitude and deep love, that I would be able to receive and recognize the answers to my prayers.  The word that drew me to this verse was thanksgiving. 

I couldn't help but contemplate and wonder if I had been praying with much gratitude or thanksgiving lately for what my Heavenly Father had done for me... or if it was all worries and all demands? Was I so focused on what I thought I hadn't received that I wasn't recognizing what I had? 

Kay, for example, had the opportunity to play the iPad today for an entire hour while Emmie napped in her car seat and we waited for Kevin to be done with his class. The idea was that he could play as long as he wanted until Emmie woke up. At that point it would be Emmie's turn.

Once Emmie finally did wake up, Kay, deprived of sleep and finding it hard to give up such a fun toy, decided that this was a bad idea. He wanted to play for even longer and Emmie needed to sleep some more. A meltdown ensued when we did not let him follow through with his revised plans.

When I pointed out to him that we did understand his feelings and really did give him a lot of time to play (which is what he wanted) he quickly responded, "Yah! But you didn't give me 100!"  (Translation: I am so focused on what I am not getting, that I'm not recognizing how much I really have been given in the first place. I am not happy because I do not even realize how much you really did give me.) 100, by the way, is his catch word lately for "a lot" of any particular thing/activity he is desiring.

Anyways, needless to say, this scripture had been on my mind a lot today, trying to figure out how I could improve my prayers and be more receptive to the promptings of the spirit.

And then I found myself  here, tonight,  feeling particularly frustrated and alone.

I don't know why but  praying, for whatever reason, is a very difficult thing for me to do. I still do it. Every day... but it is definitely a struggle and a trial for me.I often feel tongue tied, disconnected, and confused about the best way to ask my questions that will help me get the answers I am looking for. Letting the desire of my heart come out in my prayers often feels like a playing a round of tug'o'war or pulling teeth.

So tonight I cried and prayed, sharing with my father how stuck I felt. I prayed for help in recognizing the answers to my questions...even if it was only the smallest inclining of what step to take next. I prayed for forgiveness for how often my actions didn't live up to my desires. And I prayed for help in not feeling so alone and disconnected, because I wanted so badly to feel His guidance and to follow it. 

I just wanted to know that I was being heard and that I could recognize what He wanted me to do. I cried in my frustration about how difficult it was for me to make decisions and how I was afraid that sometimes I wasn't even making decisions based on promptings, but just shooting in the dark. And that I really wanted to know my decisions were based on promptings and have the ability to move forward, in confidence, doing what I knew I was supposed to...no matter how hard that 'supposed to' might be.

I felt so terribly sad... and so terribly alone. 

After crying and praying for a while I opened up lds.org and clicked on an article to the youth about self perception. I was only halfheartedly skimming through it when I read a highlighted quote from President Monson's General Relief Society Meeting Address:

"Your Heavenly Father loves you—each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities.” —President Thomas S. Monson

In my mind I finished the rest of the quote, which has really meant so much to me over the past several months since I first heard it,"...God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there," and I burst into tears again. 

This time for the gratitude of knowing that I was completely understood for everything that I was and everything that I was not... and that I was loved completely by someone, by God no less, despite it all. Problems and all.  This cry was a much more comforting cry.

It is empowering to know that no matter how low you may feel or may be... that you have the creator of the Universe on your side, rooting for you...every step of the way. It is reassuring to know that He always loves you and always wants you back. It gives you the courage to stand up again.

The youth article which featured this quote linked to President Monson's Relief Society Address and by this point I finally felt engaged enough to click on it and read it. And this is where, I promise you, this rather long blog post comes full circle.  As I began to read through his remarks I recognized the following scripture he shared as one that I had just read, this very morning...

"Let your requests be made known unto God.

“And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

I felt very sure at that moment that God had heard me. That I was specifically being led and guided and prompted to hear what I needed to hear to move forward and make the decisions that I needed to make and that I indeed, was not alone, and that God would prompt me and help me every step of the way as I prayed with gratitude and sincerity.

I didn't finish the article after that. Instead, I said a prayer and in this prayer I felt an increased recognition of what I was being prompted to do, more gratitude for the answers I had been receiving, and a greater understanding of how to present my problems and questions to the Lord and how to listen for and interpret His answers in return.

I testify to you that God lives, that he hears us, and that whether in our confusion and struggles or in our most blessed moments of clarity...He is there. He is listening. And He is blessing and guiding us. We just need to have gratitude for the promptings we are receiving, the courage to move forward on what we have received, and the patience to wait for the next piece of the puzzle, understanding we will receive it as He is ready to reveal it... line upon line and precept upon precept.

Who am I? Thoughts on my New Years Resolutions...

For most who know me personally, it should come as no surprise that I tend to be very goal oriented. I make lists like Martha Stewart makes crafts. But to me, it is not so much how often I achieve...but what it is I am spending my time achieving.

Recently, the sweet sister of one my husband and my good friends passed away. I ache for the loss of her life. I ache for her family. But I also very much look up to the type of life she lived. Watching as an outsider as such a beautiful life is cut short, you can't help but analyze your own life.

Are the things you are devoting all your time and energy to really worth it? Or could you adjust, make better investments in where you devote your attention?

I realize, as goal oriented as I am, I am often easily distracted and have a really hard time prioritizing my time between good, better, and best.

"So who am I right now?" I ask, and "Is that who I want to be?" I wonder.

It has been something I have been mulling over for a while now...and I think I have found my top 6. The 6 things, that if I spent the majority of my life doing I could never look back at with regret.

So here is who I want to be:

1. A covenant keeping Daughter of God.

2. A faithful, engaged, loving & supporting wife.

3. A patient, peaceful, engaged, loving & supporting mother.

4. A person who magnifies her callings.

(be it visiting teaching or teaching Sunday school.)

5. A family historian. 

(personal histories, indexing, family history research, temple work.)

6. A missionary .

(actively sharing with others the light & joy that the gospel of Jesus Christ has brought me!)

And my New Years resolution is to spend my time and effort on these six priorities first and foremost...before I focus on other, good...but maybe not best things .

Oh, and Bonus New Year's resolution? No more allowing "fight or flight" to take hold of me when I am upset. I am determined to be the mother and wife that will not speak condescendingly or raise her voice when triggered. My biggest, but most important priority yet.

So there you have it. The person I want to be. And hope to see more of this 2014.

General Conference: They Talked About Depression!

Wow. Just... wow!

I know I've said before there isn't any way I could deny the existence of my loving Heavenly Father, but I just feel even more so the reality of His being...and of his Divine charity and grace towards us all.

I love General Conference! I don't think I could even accurately convey to you how much I LOVE it! And the messages shared this particular session were so personally and emotionally poignant for me.

I needed to know God loved me. I needed to know he cared. I needed to know that there were words from our dear sweet Apostles and Prophets about that which I, and so many others, struggle with.

And I was more than blessed with just such messages. Not one, but two!

Thank you, President Monson and Elder Holland. You have filled my heart. My soul is full of gratitude for your kind and loving remarks about the very thing that plagues and haunts me.

I love you for the time and service you put in, so that someone like me might hear the words that God needed me to hear.

I thank you for your service and I thank my Heavenly Father for His infinite love, again and again.

If you didn't get a chance to hear their messages I've linked them for you here:

Elder Jeffery R. Holland's Conference Talk

And here:

President Monson's General RS Meeting Talk: "We Never Walk Alone"


You can also check out the rest of the General Conference messages here:

October 2013 General Conference


What messages touched your heart this conference session?

Updated General Conference Prep Pack

Well, it is almost that time of year again!

Only a few more weeks and there will be another General Conference (What is General Conference? Click the link to find out!) So, I took the opportunity to update my General Conference Prep Pack. You can still access the old version here. The new version is accessible by clicking the link below!

General Conference Prep Pack 2013 Version

You can also find it under the freebies section of the blog!

Anyways, I had a bunch of fun putting this together! For a more detailed explanation of how to use the prep pack, you can access my original post here!

How Christ is Helping Me Overcome Depression: Christ Reminds Me That I Have Infinite Worth and There is Hope

Early in my depression,  every night before I went to bed I began to have this awful restless and unnerving feeling.

The kind of feeling you get when you realize you forgot to turn in your final project for history class,  you read the time wrong on your itinerary and missed your flight, or after saying something dumbfoundedly stupid and everyone in the room, including yourself knows it. 

And you sit there, beating yourself up inside wondering, 'What the heck was I thinking?'

And every night, every single night, I would sit down on my bed when the day was over and I would feel like this. This terrible sinking feeling like I had done something wrong, made some huge mistake, or failed in some huge way.  And I had no clue why. 

Because I hadn't done anything. Nothing, nada. Nothing, anyways, that could explain why I was feeling like that.

But after a while of feeling this, night after night, my brain started to come up with reasons to justify why I felt the way I did. And they weren't at all good for my sense of self worth.

I wish I could say that I had a good self-esteem. I really wish that I did. But I just didn't. I had developed some pretty bad habits in how I perceived my own value, and my poor opinion of myself was only exacerbated by these terrible feelings I was having every night.

In many ways I began to connect my lack of joy and the nightly sinking feelings with how worthless I felt on top of it all: I must feel so terrible because I am so terrible. 

So, unfortunately, while I was perfectly aware that I had many friends and family that loved and cared for me, to me it didn't matter. Because inside, I knew that they were all wrong. I wasn't really worth loving at all.

It was just some lucky coincidence that they hadn't realized that yet. They didn't know me like I knew me. They didn't see how often I failed, how big I failed. Every day of my life. And every failure I ever made in life was just further proof to me that I felt terrible because I was terrible.

Hard to feel like you have any worth when you feel like you're a terrible person.

Despite these feelings, I did still have my faith in my Savior. I knew he was real. And I knew he loved me infinitely. Like I said before, at this point in my life, there was no denying or questioning it. But I was having a very hard time believing that he would forgive someone 'like me'.

The type of person who got on her knees morning and night and prayed for forgiveness and for help overcoming the same things she'd probably end up doing again tomorrow.

And how could I do that? How could I keep getting on my knees each day and ask for forgiveness when it seemed like I was making zero improvement? Wasn't that hypocritical? How could I really be sincere if I kept trying to be better and kept failing at it, day after day?

I am grateful for the scriptures and the words of the prophets, for it was the only way I was able to realize I had not only grossly misinterpreted the atonement, doctrine, and gospel of Jesus Christ, but I had also grossly misinterpreted what determined my own worth.

In the Priesthood Session of the most recent General Conference, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said:

"It can be discouraging at times to know what it means to be a son [or daughter] of God and yet come up short. The adversary likes to take advantage of these feelings. Satan would rather that you define yourself by your sins instead of your divine potential. Brethren, don't listen to him."

These words have resonated in my heart and my mind since I heard them. They spoke to the deepest part of my aching soul. A soul who, unfortunately, had been doing exactly that: defining herself by her sins rather than by her potential.  

I had thought that because I had kept making the same mistakes over and over that I had failed, that God wouldn't forgive me. 

But the prophet, President Thomas S. Monson in this address here shares: 

"Our task is to become our best selves. One of God’s greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final."

I had forgotten that part of the purpose of the Atonement of Christ was to allow us the opportunity to keep trying, again and again. It wasn't until I read these words that I re-realized that failure wasn't  making the same mistakes over and over, rather failure, by definition, would be deciding to no longer try.

In the July 2012 Ensign, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf talks about how we are always "in the middle" of our lives and how knowing that can give us hope. He states:

"Being always in the middle means that the game is never over, hope is never lost, defeat is never final. For no matter where we are or what our circumstances, an eternity of beginnings and an eternity of endings stretch out before us."

What amazing and inspiring truths!

But perhaps even more inspiring to me than being taught that hope is never lost and defeat never final, or that the Lord did not consider me a failure because of my many mistakes, was the knowledge that He is merciful and understanding of me and He desires to forgive me.

In the article I shared a few weeks ago, titled The Savior Wants to Forgive, Elder Craig A. Cardon of the Quorum of the Seventy states:

"Providing an opportunity for the Savior to enlighten our understanding, Peter once inquired how many times he should forgive his brother and then asked, “Till seven times?” Surely that would be more than enough. But the Savior’s response opened wide the door to His merciful heart: “I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”

This brings hope to all, especially to those who feel that recurring human weakness is beyond the Savior’s willingness to help and to save."

Indeed that is the beauty of the Atonement and the Grace of God is that He promises us if we just try and keep trying, He will accept us. Not maybe. Not just probably. But He will! For His grace is sufficient, even for habitual mistake makers, like me all of us!

He desires to forgive us! He wants to!

I was also reminded that my worth was not determined by the good or bad choices I made. The Savior loved me infinitely, not conditionally, which meant that my choices had no bearings on the amount of worth He placed on my soul (and likewise that I should place on my soul!).

In Doctrine and Covenants 18:10-12, it says:

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God; For, behold, the Lord your Redeemer suffered death in the flesh; wherefore he suffered the pain of all men, that all men might repent and come unto him. And he hath risen again from the dead, that he might bring all men unto him, on conditions of repentance."

Our Savior died for all men! All of us! Not just those He deemed 'decent', those He considered 'righteous,' or those who didn't make mistakes (as if anyone like that exists!). But every single being that has ever lived on this planet!

And He did it because He places worth, infinite worth, on every individual soul. 

Regardless of whatever choices we would make, He desired to open up to all of us the path of repentance, and thus the path towards true and everlasting peace and happiness (And while that path of repentance does have conditions, our worth in His eyes does not, His love for us does not!).

If that doesn't show us how important we are to Him, what could? As the Savior, Himself, said:

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

So, in retrospect, while I haven't been cured of my struggles with depression, or even the nightly hallow and empty feelings, I have received help. The Holy Ghost has led me to hear and listen to the words that I needed to hear. And these words have given me a greater perspective.

They have helped me redefine failure. They have helped me re-realize my daily divine and inherent worth.

These words of God have helped and are continuing to help me to combat the terrible lie that  'I must feel so terrible because I am so terrible.'

They have reminded me there is hope. These words give me comfort and peace that God loves me for who I am, right now, as I am. And that there is always a brighter future ahead.

Hope is not lost.

Check out my other posts on this subject:

How Christ is Helping Me Overcome Depression (Part 1)

How Christ is Helping Me Overcome Depression: Christ Reminds Me There is a Purpose (Part 2)

How Christ Is Helping Me Overcome Depression: Christ Reminds Me I Have Infinite Worth and There Is Hope (Part 3)

                           

How Christ is Helping Me Overcome Depression: Christ Reminds Me There is a Purpose

When you don't feel joy in life, it is hard to see the point in continuing. So much of why human beings find living in this life worthwhile is the sense of joy or fulfillment in their hobbies, their relationships, their life's experiences.

It is why we put effort into life. Because effort put into the right things leads to joy. We have faith, or hope, that by saving up and planning for this vacation to the Bahamas, that in the end, our trip to the Bahamas will give us happiness, enjoyment, joy.

We learn, by experience, what we do not enjoy: scrapped knees, broken bones, ruined relationships--and we do our best to avoid those things.

We also try to avoid expending more effort than necessary in certain areas of our lives. These areas are different for everyone, but as an example: why would I spend hours and hours baking and decorating a 3 tier cake for my 2 year old's birthday if I'm hating every single minute of it? Why not buy a cake and spend the time I would have used decorating to do something fun with her instead?

The point being, the reason we do anything or put any effort at all into this life is because we believe that the outcome will  justify the expenditure. The effort will make us happy, which makes the effort 'worth it.'

So what happens when slowly, over time, everything in your life leaves you feeling like the effort was a far greater expenditure than it was worth? What happens when no matter how hard you work to try and enjoy each moment, the moments are not enjoyable?

What if everything you ever did made you feel like you were wasting your time? And you 'knew', no matter what you did, that nothing would ever make you happy?

If there is no joy...what's the point? What is the point in going through all this exhaustive effort to feel 'joy', if there is none? And, ( now this is a jump, but it is not as far of a jump as you might think... not for those who feel this way) if you'll never feel joy and happiness again, what is the purpose in living?  You are just going to be miserable the whole time you're alive.

This is what depression does to your mind and your soul. It finds the 'off' switch on your joy mechanism and pulls it, and right with it, it rips the very purpose of your life out of your heart, mind, and soul.

So why didn't I believe those thoughts? And why was I so disturbed by them? Surely, they had developed  slowly enough, overtime, that I should have agreed with them. Wouldn't those thoughts, after all I had been feeling and going through, be the only logical conclusion?

So why did I so desperately search for help, rather than give in?

I know the answer to such questions may be different for everyone, but for me,  the answer was religion.

I was born to two wonderful, Christian parents who were members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. From my earliest childhood, to the time I left their home to venture out in the world as an adult, I was nurtured by the word of God.

When I was twelve years old, I decided I needed to find out for myself if the church I was being raised in was truly the restored gospel of Jesus Christ... or not. I needed to know for myself if there was a God in heaven. And likewise, I needed to have my own knowledge that there really was a Savior.

And if there really was a God in Heaven and a Savior of our souls, then I needed to know if the LDS Church really was led by them, through their servants, the modern day prophets.

These are the questions  that every member of the church, or persons investigating the church, must someday face.

And for me, the answers to these questions came slowly over time. I began my journey by committing to my Heavenly Father in prayer that I would read my scriptures everyday. That I would do my best to pray morning and night. And I prayed, that if I did this, I would be led to know the truth. That I might be able to receive some witness of the validity of the gospel.

In essence, I tried to follow the counsel of Alma, a prophet in the Book of Mormon, who states:

  " Now, as I said concerning faith—that it was not a perfect knowledge—even so it is with my words. Ye cannot know of their surety at first, unto perfection, any more than faith is a perfect knowledge."

    "But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words." 

                                                                                                                                     (Alma 32:26-27)

For me, the witness that I was looking for came two years later, in the form of a special blessing called a Patriarchal Blessing.

The direct guidance and counsel I received that answered so many of my long repeated prayers, the answers to struggles that I hadn't prayed about and of which no one else was aware, and the overwhelming tangible feeling of a loving and warm embrace were all a powerful witness to my soul that I had a Father in Heaven who not only led The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, but also who knew me personally, and who loved and cared about me.

It filled my soul with a testimony that I could/can not, even to this day, deny.  No more than I could honestly deny that the sky is blue, or that the grass is green. From that point on in my life, there was no other option. The Gospel was true. God was real. My Savior loved me. And I physically felt that love.

All that was left, after that, was to do my best, each day, to grow and progress to show my Father in Heaven that I loved him and had faith in him, and then leave the rest of my imperfections and weakness to the infinite grace of His Atonement.

So again, I ask...why did I not believe those thoughts? Why did I recognize that they were not based in reality?

Because I couldn't believe them. It was not even an option. I knew with all my heart that the Gospel of Jesus Christ was true.  And the Gospel taught me that there was a purpose to life and that purpose was called the Plan of Salvation.

It was The Plan of Salvation that taught me we are all children of God. That we lived with God before this life. That we left our Heavenly Father's presence and came to Earth to be tested, learn by experience, and gain a body. And that, if we chose to partake of the Savior's Atonement, after this life we could return to live with God again.

It was my firm faith in and knowledge of this plan that helped me recognize that the tormenting thoughts I was having were not based in reality. That, despite whatever my brain or my body was trying to tell me, there really was a reason for me being here. Even if I was having a hard time feeling it.  

And more than just a reason for being here, I was reminded by these teachings that there was a work for me to do. That I didn't come down here for life to be all frills and thrills, but that I came here to learn, to serve, and to grow.

In the October 2012 General Conference, Elder Jeffery R Holland shared that:

"...we have neighbors to bless, children to protect, the poor to lift up, and the truth to defend. We have wrongs to make right, truths to share, and good to do. In short, we have a life of devoted discipleship to give in demonstrating our love of the Lord. We can't quit and we can't go back."

It was my faith in Christ that helped me take the first steps I needed toward getting help. And it was my faith in Christ that reminded me that the self destructive feelings were wrong. I did have a reason for being on this earth. I had a mission to fulfill while here. I had a place in mind I wanted to end up after this life. And I needed to go and get help, so I could go forward in life and accomplish those goals in peace.

Check out my other posts on this subject:

How Christ is Helping Me Overcome Depression (Part 1)

How Christ is Helping Me Overcome Depression: Christ Reminds Me There is a Purpose (Part 2)

How Christ Is Helping Me Overcome Depression: Christ Reminds Me I Have Infinite Worth and There Is Hope (Part 3)

                           

How Christ is Helping Me Overcome Depression

A little over a year ago I was in a really bad place, mentally and emotionally. I never have wanted or tried to take my life, but the thoughts in my head were horrific.

I'd lay down in the middle of the day and cover my head with my pillow, begging and pleading that the thoughts would go away. If I could just go to sleep, maybe the thoughts would disappear.

I didn't want those thoughts there. I didn't want to hurt myself. I didn't want to die. So why in the world was my brain doing this to me?

Like I said before, it was a very ugly place to be.

But there are pro's and con's to any situation. Before this point, I had never once suspected that I might suffer from depression.  I just figured everyone had the blues, everyone had self esteem issues.

And that is true. To a point. I just didn't know that my version of the blues and self esteem issues were much worse than what other people went through. So I didn't address them. And left unchecked they led me to the nasty place in my mind I found myself in, in January of 2012.

Like I said, pros and cons.

One of the cons, among many, is that I had to let things get as far as I did before I got help. One of the greatest pro's of this whole situation, however, was that I was finally able to recognize that I did need help and I was able to get that help before things could get any worse--before I started to agree with the terrible thoughts.

And for me, I know, that one of the main influences in my life that helped me recognize that I needed help was my upbringing and faith in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And it has been this faith in Christ that has also buoyed me up and continually strengthened me in my fight.

I know it may be tempting for some to think the exact opposite of what I am suggesting in my title. For those who don't share my belief in a higher power (let alone Jesus Christ) it may seem like religion, in regards to depression, is just an extra burden on an already burdened mind, not a source of relief. Maybe even the cause of depression, rather than the respite.

But I am here to share, with all of my heart and soul, that the gospel of Jesus Christ,  indeed the Savior of my soul, has been and continues to be my constant comfort when things in life seem dark and ugly. And He's helping me overcome.

It (religion, faith, belief) has been anything but the salt in my wounds, or the cause of them. It has been an anchor and a shield to me. A source of comfort and peace. And I would like to share with you how.

My first post will begin tomorrow and it will be followed by other posts, all describing my struggles and how my faith has strengthened me and helped me navigate through them.  You will be able to find all of these posts linked back here as I publish them.

I sincerely hope that these posts can be a source of help and inspiration, to someone, somewhere, who may need to hear them.

Check out my other posts on this subject:

How Christ is Helping Me Overcome Depression (Part 1)

How Christ is Helping Me Overcome Depression: Christ Reminds Me There is a Purpose (Part 2)

How Christ Is Helping Me Overcome Depression: Christ Reminds Me I Have Infinite Worth and There Is Hope (Part 3)

                              

Sheep Among Wolves

{Source}

True confession, I have been afraid to share the gospel, afraid to stand up for what I believe, afraid to say anything, because I have been afraid of being falsely accused.

After all, the world we live in today has changed the definitions of what it means to offend, to be racist, or to be a bigot.

It is a world where people desire to scare you out of standing up for your position, based on false accusations and name calling.

A world where your neighbor can make any snarky remark they would like and yet your carefully constructed response is decried as judgmental or out of line.

And I've let it scare the dickens out of me. And I'm sorry to say that I have.

Because why should I care what they think or say, when I know the truth? No offense was meant and I am definitely not a bigot or racist (or sexist for that matter).

Reading in my scriptures yesterday, specifically the New Testament, Matthew chapter 10, a few thoughts came to mind that helped me recognize that I needed to let go of my fears, that showed me that I was hiding my candle under a bushel.

When our Savior asked us not to offend, I don't believe he meant that it was necessarily our fault if others became offended with what we said. There were plenty of people offended by the very doctrine our Savior preached. But he was not being offensive.

Rather, I believe he was speaking about the intent of our hearts. Definitely, he is asking us to be sensitive and understanding. Definitely, he wants us to avoid purposefully hurting another person's feelings. Definitely, he asks us to use wise judgement and most importantly, the Holy Ghost, in all situations we find ourselves in.

But just because the pharisee and the sadducee find offense in the doctrine of Christ, does not mean offense was given.

But oh, how I've let people who don't even try and be sensitive to my positions, who blatantly name call, accuse, and respond in snide remarks, make me afraid to stand up for what is right. Make me afraid to share the gospel.

Satan has tried to make the world so afraid of "offending" that they have begun to back down on standing up for what is right and what is true. They have begun to fear missionary work.

Satan's voice is the voice of contention. Loudness. Anger and hatred.  But the voice of our Father in Heaven is still and small. It is the voice of peace.

So we must not let the world scare us! The world will be offended by the truth no matter how carefully we tread. Our Savior has asked us to stand up for and spread the Kingdom of God, and we were told that we WILL be falsely accused as we do so.  (Matthew 10:17, 21-22)

He did not say that we would only be reviled if we did it wrong.

No, even by sharing the gospel in the most sensitive way, prompted and guided and directed by the spirit of God, people will hate and persecute us. (Matthew 5:10)

So, while it is our utmost duty not to offend, it is also our utmost duty not to fear others choosing to be offended. In other words, just because somebody has become offended by the gospel of Christ, does not mean offense was given, or that we were not listening to the spirit.

As I said before, many chose to be offended by the Savior during his own walk upon this earth. But he was not giving offense. He was sharing the truth, out of love and concern for mankind.

Is it more loving to allow a child to hit out of anger, or to teach him more appropriate ways to express his feelings? He may be offended or annoyed by the parent correcting and teaching him, but no offense has been given,  rather counsel that will lead to his well being and happiness.

So, let us share the gospel out of love. Let us have the courage to add our voices to the public square, no matter how the public may respond. Let us be sensitive and kind and careful to follow the spirit as we do so. And let us trust in Christ, for if we confess him before men, he will surely confess us before the Father. (Matthew 10:32)

We will be his sheep...and we will be involved in the greatest work on earth. The salvation of man.

"Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." Matthew 10:16

A Few Articles that have helped me in my Depression and Anxiety

While I am recovering from a few major surgeries, I thought I would share a few articles that I have read recently that have really helped me in regards to my struggles in the area of depression and anxiety.

Depression hits so many people in so many different ways, so these articles may be helpful to you, but they may not as well.

As for me, however, these articles and talks are like a breath of fresh air. And so, on the off chance that these may touch and heal your hearts as well, I figured I'd share:

The Savior Wants to Forgive


Raising Resilient Children


Notwithstanding My Weakness



I testify to you that Jesus Christ loves each and every one of us. And can help us overcome each of our own personal struggles, whatever they might be.

Now go, read, enjoy.  =].


UPDATE: I fixed the link for the article 'Raising Resilient Children.' I just went to cross reference it and realized it didn't work. Woops! Hope you can go check it out now and enjoy it!

Sincerely, Megan <3

A Word About Depression

I hope this post will be able to help someone who may need it. I said I would eventually post on what has been keeping me so crazy occupied lately in life, and the truth is it is that little (or not so little) 'D' word in that title right there.

And I fear/ed talking to others about it, because of how it is often perceived... or how it could be perceived. I have no desire to be looked upon as broken. Incapable. A mess. Unable to handle myself. Unstable. Crazy. Guilty. Nuts. You name it.

Nor do I wish to label myself with any of those words and box myself in. Because that is not what it is, or who I am, or what I am going through. But, thankfully, I am starting to come around to realize all those perceptions and fears will not help me move forward. But honesty will.

So, I am going to share my honest experience, my honest thoughts and feelings, and the plans I have made or am making to try and move onward, upward, and forward...

Because no one should go home at the end of the day, sit on their bed before they go to sleep, and feel with all their heart like they are the worst person in the world, who has messed up big time. Especially when nothing happened that day that could explain why they feel like that.

But there they sit. Feeling it anyways.

I am thankful to say that those days, through the blessings and guidance I have received from a great husband, wonderful parents, and a loving Heavenly Father, are starting to become fewer and further in between. But I am a work in progress. I am not "there" yet.  (Where ever 'there' is?)

I plan on sharing more specific details of my experiences and things I have learned that have helped me in future posts. But, for now, I just wanted to share with all of you that each and every one of us is infinitely loved.

Even if, like me, you have a very difficult time actually (mentally and/or emotionally) feeling it, that statement is no less true for you. He loves YOU. Perfectly. And so do your friends. And so does your family.

A scripture I read today stuck out to me in a new light, considering what I have been going through lately, and I thought I'd share it with all of you. Who knows, maybe you'll like it too.

"And now as I said concerning faith—faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true."  Alma 32:21

In my case, I have had a hard time seeing (or rather feeling) my own personal worth and value. I have had a difficult time feeling loved and seeing how other people could love me. How could other people be happy with me, if even I wasn't happy with me?

Never the less, truth is truth, whether we can see it or not. Whether anyone believes it or not (Did you watch President Uchtdorf's CES devotional about truth? Wonderful!).  So what I felt when I read this scripture today was that I need to have faith in things which I do not see, which I definitely do not have a perfect knowledge of, but which I hope for (with all my heart)...which are true.

Like my own worth. My own potential. My personal goodness. And the love that others have for me. And perhaps even the idea that someday I might be able to fully overcome all of this and finally feel real love for myself... as I am.

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God;" Doctrine and Covenants 18:10

And so, if you'd like to follow along, you are welcome to join me on my journey. I will be posting about my experiences here and there. I know, for me, it is always nice to have friends on the path who know what I am going through. It helps me remember I am not alone and gives me the strength to keep going.

And so I begin my path back towards wholeness, which I will lovingly call my 'Project Happy', as it occurred to me the other day... maybe a small part of the big solution I am seeking for might be exercising.  Just like muscles need exercise to become stronger and more capable, maybe that's how we build our emotional strength too.

So I will be doing my best to exercise now. My happy muscles, that is!

               "But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words." Alma 32:27

Teaching, No Greater Call: An Excellent Resource for Parenting

Recently my Husband and I started studying the manual "Teaching, No Greater Call" together.  Since day one of our marriage we have been very good about doing family scripture study and prayer. But we have never really done a "companionship" study before.

I am glad we decided to start.  We are currently studying the chapters about teaching in the family, and teaching children (Part C: Teaching Different Age Groups, page 108 and Part D: Teaching in the Family, page 127). I had been studying these chapters previously on my own, and really thought it would help if my husband and I studied these together and discussed them.

 We are only on day 4, but I am so grateful that Kevin wholeheartedly agreed to do this with me.It has given us the opportunity to discuss how we can create a stronger family/gospel culture in our home, as well as give us guidance and added unity in trying to parent in a Christ-like way.

Both Kevin and I have already decided that once we are done studying this manual, we want to make sure we keep studying together as a companionship. Before, we had never done it because it was just one more thing added on top of an already busy bed time routine. But now that we have started, I don't think we could go back for the world.

I can already see how it has helped us, like I said before, in becoming more unified as a parenting unit. Which has brought more harmony into the home. There is less intervening when the other parent is interacting with the children, and hence less contention and frustration...not only on the part of the parents, but the children as well.

Also, it only takes us 15-20 minutes tops. 15-20 minutes of time spent discussing our dreams and goals for our family, and what we are going to do to get there. I think that is time well spent.

What our companionship study usually looks like:

1. Start with an opening prayer.
2. Choose one section to read through each night. Take turns reading. Discuss ideas and thoughts about
    what we have read. Brainstorm ways to implement what we have learned.
3. Close with a prayer.

Anyways, I just wanted to share this idea because I feel like it is really helping Kevin and I to create a stronger marriage and home. And maybe it will help others in doing so as well!  Plus, the chapters I mentioned are really full of amazing information and advice to consider when interacting with your kids. I highly recommend taking the time to read and ponder over the material in those sections.

So, there you have one more, of many hundreds, of the habits we are trying to develop in the Scribbled Wall family. If you want to study "Teaching, No Greater Call" as well, you can either access it online here, or you can stop by a local LDS Distribution Center to pick up your own paperback copy.

What are some habits or routines you have created that have helped to strengthen your family? Another one we like to do is a weekly Family Planning Session. We go over our week, our to do lists, our goals, plan our date night, etc. Been super helpful, especially as our lives have progressively become more and more busy. Its been a great way to stay on the same page. Looking forward to hearing your tips and suggestions!

Follow the Prophet ( & a freebie!)

UPDATE: Check out the 2013 version here!

(Note: I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day saints. Bi-annually, my church holds meetings over the weekend called General Conference. Each meeting is called a session. General Conference is a wonderful opportunity for us to hear from the Prophet and Apostles. It is broadcast world wide. To learn more about my church and general conference you can go to mormon.org)

A few months before April's General Conference, while I was wasting time briefly browsing Pinterest, I ran into this little beauty right here:

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If you haven't checked out Shannon's website (theredheadedhostess.com), I suggest you go check it out. Right. Now. Such fun little gems on her site! Especially the wonderful Scripture Study journals pictured above!

Looking through these study journals she put together, plus her tips on how to use them, seriously inspired me. And as I drooled over how badly I wanted to buy me one of these bad babies... I was suddenly inspired  (lights from heaven, angel chorus, the works ;P)!

Inspired by all the possibilities!  Why, if you could have a wonderfully organized pre-printed study journal for scriptures... why not have one for your church meetings too? Say like... General Conference!

Ahhh, now you're followin' me ;P

Which is how and when I came up with my 'General Conference Preparation Pack'. Which I will be sharing with whoever may want it...fooooooh FUH-REE! Man, I like that word.

 Fah-ree, Furry, Farree, free!

;]

 This template has undergone a few changes since April, so forgive my slightly outdated photos. I had originally made it for my own personal use. And I was going for function, not fashion.

So here's how my little printable works:


A few weeks before conference weekend, I print myself up my General Conference Prep Pack.  The first page only needs to be printed once and is meant to be revisted several times before, during, and after General Conference is over.   The second page, the Insight Journal, can be printed for as many talks as you want to take notes for.


 I would suggest printing on both the fronts and backs of your paper, not only to save yourself a few pennies, but also to make it more streamlined.  After I have printed up my template, I go ahead and hole punch them and put them under the "General Conference" tab of my church binder (which someday I really should post about more in depth).

 The first page of the pack is titled 'Personal Reflection Sheet'. This is the page where, you guessed it, personally reflect on several things:

 (First) What are the answers/guidance you are seeking for?

(Second) What answers/guidance did you receive (while watching/listening/attending General Conference)?

(Third) What is Heavenly Father asking you to do/focus on for the next 6 months?

(Fourth) How will you apply the messages that you have heard?

I structured this page so that it would be one that is revisted often, not just during conference, but also before and after as well.  Last conference, for example, I was concerned about plans for our future. Should we move, shouldn't we, should we accept this job offer or that job offer? I was also concerned about how to be a better parent. These were questions I pencilled in (as well as prayed for guidance over) prior to watching General Conference.

After Conference was over, I revisted all of my insight journals (page two of the prep pack) and filled in questions two and three. At the bottom of each insight journal there is a "personal application" box that made these two questions easier to fill out.

The fourth section is where, after all is said and done, you make your game plan. You have received guidance. You have been given your "marching orders." Now it is time to plan how and when you will apply what you have learned.

I found this incredibly helpful for synthesizing the vast amount of information and inspiration that is received during General Conference. It helped me to better visualize what it is I needed to do and how it was I was going to be able to do it (or at least try, anyways!).

The second page of the prep pack is called the Insight Journal. This page gives you an organized place to write notes for each speaker that gives an address at General Conference. There is a place to write the name of who is speaking, what they are speaking about, as well as ample room for note taking.

At the bottom of each note taking column I decided to add a box where you can reflect on how each message might be applied personally in your life. Once conference is over this little section is great for either quickly viewing, or deeply reflecting on, what God may be personally asking of you for the upcoming six months.

I have found this tool to be extremely helpful in my own personal study and progress. I wanted to share it with others for exactly that reason. I hope that you might find it useful in your own gospel study and application!

Download it HERE

What are your tips for getting the most out of general conference, scriptures, church? Any ideas on helping the tiny tots survive approx 8 hours of straight TALKING? I like to schedule at least one of their naps around a conference session. We'll see how that works this time around!