Family Time

Okay. I take it back. I do live somewhere pretty.

On Saturday we decided it was high time to put our family first, so we hopped into the car and drove up to a nearby trail for a little hike before a really huge rain storm was about to hit. The dark grey sky and the fall colors were beautiful. It felt so peaceful to be out there in nature. Until about the time we heard the roaring of the wind rushing towards us. Then we high tailed it about as quickly as we could back to our car and opened our doors just in time for the first few rain drops. We even saw the wind kick up a few dirt devils on our way back. It was pretty epic. And enchanting. And exciting. And fun =].

In an effort to put down our electronics more and connect with each other on a real level, we have decided to do more active family activities, to not use devices while the kids are awake or others are around (not even browsing through text messages or reading a political news source when other people are talking/around us) and I have designated all future Facebook use to Fridays. So, if I don't respond to some really amazing announcement...or I miss some terrible news, please don't be offended.

Our family needs to unplug a bit and focus on creating real memories together, especially with how much our schedules have exploded recently. Online school, church callings, work obligations, mommy and daddy obligations, and everyday cleaning/eating/sleeping etc obligations have made it necessary to ruthlessly prioritize more than ever before. We are kind of anti socialites now. Do forgive us. We hope someday we'll have more room to open up our time to all the people we love and care about. In the meantime, we buckle down and put what's first first. God, Spouses, Children, and Family. <3.

Here is to a future of thriving amidst all the busyness, instead of just surviving.



P.S. Isn't my family just the cutest? Love 'em.

An Answer to a Prayer...

So, today I read my scriptures in the morning. Recently I've been reading in the New Testament, the words of the apostle Paul. This morning I was reading in Philippians 4. The following verse stood out to me:

"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God." Philippians 4:6

I suppose this stood out to me because I had been counseled in a blessing that as I prayed, with sincere gratitude and deep love, that I would be able to receive and recognize the answers to my prayers.  The word that drew me to this verse was thanksgiving. 

I couldn't help but contemplate and wonder if I had been praying with much gratitude or thanksgiving lately for what my Heavenly Father had done for me... or if it was all worries and all demands? Was I so focused on what I thought I hadn't received that I wasn't recognizing what I had? 

Kay, for example, had the opportunity to play the iPad today for an entire hour while Emmie napped in her car seat and we waited for Kevin to be done with his class. The idea was that he could play as long as he wanted until Emmie woke up. At that point it would be Emmie's turn.

Once Emmie finally did wake up, Kay, deprived of sleep and finding it hard to give up such a fun toy, decided that this was a bad idea. He wanted to play for even longer and Emmie needed to sleep some more. A meltdown ensued when we did not let him follow through with his revised plans.

When I pointed out to him that we did understand his feelings and really did give him a lot of time to play (which is what he wanted) he quickly responded, "Yah! But you didn't give me 100!"  (Translation: I am so focused on what I am not getting, that I'm not recognizing how much I really have been given in the first place. I am not happy because I do not even realize how much you really did give me.) 100, by the way, is his catch word lately for "a lot" of any particular thing/activity he is desiring.

Anyways, needless to say, this scripture had been on my mind a lot today, trying to figure out how I could improve my prayers and be more receptive to the promptings of the spirit.

And then I found myself  here, tonight,  feeling particularly frustrated and alone.

I don't know why but  praying, for whatever reason, is a very difficult thing for me to do. I still do it. Every day... but it is definitely a struggle and a trial for me.I often feel tongue tied, disconnected, and confused about the best way to ask my questions that will help me get the answers I am looking for. Letting the desire of my heart come out in my prayers often feels like a playing a round of tug'o'war or pulling teeth.

So tonight I cried and prayed, sharing with my father how stuck I felt. I prayed for help in recognizing the answers to my questions...even if it was only the smallest inclining of what step to take next. I prayed for forgiveness for how often my actions didn't live up to my desires. And I prayed for help in not feeling so alone and disconnected, because I wanted so badly to feel His guidance and to follow it. 

I just wanted to know that I was being heard and that I could recognize what He wanted me to do. I cried in my frustration about how difficult it was for me to make decisions and how I was afraid that sometimes I wasn't even making decisions based on promptings, but just shooting in the dark. And that I really wanted to know my decisions were based on promptings and have the ability to move forward, in confidence, doing what I knew I was supposed to...no matter how hard that 'supposed to' might be.

I felt so terribly sad... and so terribly alone. 

After crying and praying for a while I opened up lds.org and clicked on an article to the youth about self perception. I was only halfheartedly skimming through it when I read a highlighted quote from President Monson's General Relief Society Meeting Address:

"Your Heavenly Father loves you—each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities.” —President Thomas S. Monson

In my mind I finished the rest of the quote, which has really meant so much to me over the past several months since I first heard it,"...God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there," and I burst into tears again. 

This time for the gratitude of knowing that I was completely understood for everything that I was and everything that I was not... and that I was loved completely by someone, by God no less, despite it all. Problems and all.  This cry was a much more comforting cry.

It is empowering to know that no matter how low you may feel or may be... that you have the creator of the Universe on your side, rooting for you...every step of the way. It is reassuring to know that He always loves you and always wants you back. It gives you the courage to stand up again.

The youth article which featured this quote linked to President Monson's Relief Society Address and by this point I finally felt engaged enough to click on it and read it. And this is where, I promise you, this rather long blog post comes full circle.  As I began to read through his remarks I recognized the following scripture he shared as one that I had just read, this very morning...

"Let your requests be made known unto God.

“And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

I felt very sure at that moment that God had heard me. That I was specifically being led and guided and prompted to hear what I needed to hear to move forward and make the decisions that I needed to make and that I indeed, was not alone, and that God would prompt me and help me every step of the way as I prayed with gratitude and sincerity.

I didn't finish the article after that. Instead, I said a prayer and in this prayer I felt an increased recognition of what I was being prompted to do, more gratitude for the answers I had been receiving, and a greater understanding of how to present my problems and questions to the Lord and how to listen for and interpret His answers in return.

I testify to you that God lives, that he hears us, and that whether in our confusion and struggles or in our most blessed moments of clarity...He is there. He is listening. And He is blessing and guiding us. We just need to have gratitude for the promptings we are receiving, the courage to move forward on what we have received, and the patience to wait for the next piece of the puzzle, understanding we will receive it as He is ready to reveal it... line upon line and precept upon precept.

Who am I? Thoughts on my New Years Resolutions...

For most who know me personally, it should come as no surprise that I tend to be very goal oriented. I make lists like Martha Stewart makes crafts. But to me, it is not so much how often I achieve...but what it is I am spending my time achieving.

Recently, the sweet sister of one my husband and my good friends passed away. I ache for the loss of her life. I ache for her family. But I also very much look up to the type of life she lived. Watching as an outsider as such a beautiful life is cut short, you can't help but analyze your own life.

Are the things you are devoting all your time and energy to really worth it? Or could you adjust, make better investments in where you devote your attention?

I realize, as goal oriented as I am, I am often easily distracted and have a really hard time prioritizing my time between good, better, and best.

"So who am I right now?" I ask, and "Is that who I want to be?" I wonder.

It has been something I have been mulling over for a while now...and I think I have found my top 6. The 6 things, that if I spent the majority of my life doing I could never look back at with regret.

So here is who I want to be:

1. A covenant keeping Daughter of God.

2. A faithful, engaged, loving & supporting wife.

3. A patient, peaceful, engaged, loving & supporting mother.

4. A person who magnifies her callings.

(be it visiting teaching or teaching Sunday school.)

5. A family historian. 

(personal histories, indexing, family history research, temple work.)

6. A missionary .

(actively sharing with others the light & joy that the gospel of Jesus Christ has brought me!)

And my New Years resolution is to spend my time and effort on these six priorities first and foremost...before I focus on other, good...but maybe not best things .

Oh, and Bonus New Year's resolution? No more allowing "fight or flight" to take hold of me when I am upset. I am determined to be the mother and wife that will not speak condescendingly or raise her voice when triggered. My biggest, but most important priority yet.

So there you have it. The person I want to be. And hope to see more of this 2014.

General Conference: They Talked About Depression!

Wow. Just... wow!

I know I've said before there isn't any way I could deny the existence of my loving Heavenly Father, but I just feel even more so the reality of His being...and of his Divine charity and grace towards us all.

I love General Conference! I don't think I could even accurately convey to you how much I LOVE it! And the messages shared this particular session were so personally and emotionally poignant for me.

I needed to know God loved me. I needed to know he cared. I needed to know that there were words from our dear sweet Apostles and Prophets about that which I, and so many others, struggle with.

And I was more than blessed with just such messages. Not one, but two!

Thank you, President Monson and Elder Holland. You have filled my heart. My soul is full of gratitude for your kind and loving remarks about the very thing that plagues and haunts me.

I love you for the time and service you put in, so that someone like me might hear the words that God needed me to hear.

I thank you for your service and I thank my Heavenly Father for His infinite love, again and again.

If you didn't get a chance to hear their messages I've linked them for you here:

Elder Jeffery R. Holland's Conference Talk

And here:

President Monson's General RS Meeting Talk: "We Never Walk Alone"


You can also check out the rest of the General Conference messages here:

October 2013 General Conference


What messages touched your heart this conference session?

Practical Ways of Managing Depression: Positivity Journals

Okay, so a long time ago I promised that I would share some of the things I have been doing to help me manage my struggle with depression and anxiety. It has taken me a while to get around to it, so I hope you'll forgive me.

The honest truth, or so I have come to find out, is really that there is no one (let alone easy) answer to dealing with something like this.

Despite the many medications or supplements out there (and yes, I've tried and continue to try many), there is no magic pill, no simple way to solve this.

At least not in my experience.

Rather, I am finding that there are many different things that can be done and are usually better done simultaneously, in an effort to combat the spells of anxiety and depression.

In essence, the greatest tool in fighting depression, for me anyways, has been the willingness to embrace a change in lifestyle. To do whatever I needed to do to help my body and mind become whole, healthy, and happy.

For me, this has meant changing my diet,  adding supplements, reworking the way I spend and organize my time, fixing my sleeping habits, and adding more movement into my life.

It has meant creating better coping mechanisms, changing my inner voice, forcing myself to be more social, being willing to add my opinion in the public square, and putting a concentrated effort into verbal or written acknowledgement of that which is positive and good.

Which brings me to my first practical suggestion for managing depression: creating for yourself a Positivity Journal.

Ugh. I know. This sounds vaguely reminiscent of all the less than helpful comments you've received through out your journey in depression:

 "Well, you just gotta try being positive! You really have no reason to be sad! Have you ever thought about just being happy?"

Gasp. Why didn't any of us realize it was that easy? We're all cured!!!

Okay, so all sarcasm aside, as much as I hate it when depression and anxiety are trivialized in this manner, looking on the "bright side" of life should not be a suggestion we just throw out.

 So, as long as it is coupled with many other mood modifying strategies, not to mention an honest understanding of what depression is and how it works, taking the time to list out (physically, mentally, or verbally) all the positive aspects of your life can be a very therapeutic and beneficial practice.

Like I said before, no easy answer, no magic pill, but rather the sum total of many changes in habit and lifestyle.

And so I made myself a positivity journal. And I'd like to share it with any of you who may be interested in using it.

Simply enough, it is a place to write down all the positive aspects of your life. The things you are grateful for, and most importantly, the things you admire and love about yourself.

Perhaps that seems a bit narcissistic, but seriously, for me, who is about as far from a narcissist as you can get, it has been extremely beneficial to take the time to list out the many reasons why I am a good and admirable person with something to offer the world.

If even for a few minutes, it drowns out the voices of  inadequacy, anxiety, and self loathing.

And if I don't particularly feel like writing at any given moment, my journal can be a resource I can turn to to help ground me in reality.

I can look at the list I have compiled and see all the things I have done well, the reasons why I am proud of myself, and the talents I am grateful I've been blessed with.

And in seeing these things, I can be reminded that life really is good and I really am a good too, despite whatever chemical imbalance in my body is trying to convince me otherwise.

So there you have it. Practical advice numero uno, plus a few different free printables to boot. 

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(Feel free to download for personal use only. Please see the full disclaimer on my freebies page before using. These printables were made using graphics by ValerianeDigital.)

So what do you truly love and admire most about yourself? Have you done a positivity journal before? Definitely not a new concept, or even something only for those who struggle with depression or anxiety. I remember my husband and I used to keep a gratitude journal where we'd write something the other person did that we appreciated. It was a good way to hang on to the more precious moments and memories in our lives!

Trying Something New: Photography

Does it all circle back around to depression around here these days? Well, yah. I think it does. But I think this is advice anybody can gain from, because really...everyone has some small amount of sadness here and there in their lives.

I have been finding that a practical way of relieving some of that sadness is to throw yourself into something you love. Or try something new that you've always dreamed of doing.

Just recently, I decided I would give more effort into learning how to be a better photographer. I don't know that I particularly expect to create a business out of it or anything, but I do expect to learn a lot.

And I love the feeling of trying something I've never done before... it is fun to know that you are capable. Even if you aren't fantastic at it, it is still an enabling feeling to do it anyways. 

These photos are from my first (not-related-to-me-family) photo shoot, taken last Saturday.

And I already learned so much. First off, for some reason I went heavy on the angles. And I also had my f-stop too low for some of the photos. Blah! 

I was initially frustrated by this, but then I realized...this is exactly why I wanted to do a photo shoot in the first place. To get experience!

 I never could have realized my misunderstandings of f-stop, framing, and posing without having taken the opportunity to try!

So, overall, I am happy with how these photos turned out! This family is so lovely and sweet and they were super patient with my lack of photo session skills!

And I have to say, for being an amateur photographer, I am loving how these turned out! I surprised myself!! It gives me hope that maybe someday this could become a talent of mine.

 But if not, oh well! Success is in the choice to try, not the product that comes from trying. 

What do you secretly dream of doing? What do you wish you had the time/money to try? I know photography has been on my list for years but I only recently acquired a Camera nice enough to begin trying it out! I'd love to hear your dreams and efforts to do something that truly makes you happy!