The Mommy Rules: Number Two

A few weeks ago, I wrote about my "Mommy Rules," (or one of them anyways, see here) the set of guidelines I gave myself to become a more present and involved parent.   I really should have started writing about them much sooner! Ever since I talked to you guys about my Rule No. 1, I have been acing it. Like every single morning.

I'm hoping to capitalize on some more of those good vibes when it comes to the second rule that I have given myself. Because this is the one I probably struggle with more than any of the others. And that rule is:

Or in other words, no hobbies, no computer, no T.V. shows, or movies while the kids are awake. Save your "you time" or big to-do items while the kids are asleep, or away. 

Okay, I know! It sounds pretty extreme.And obviously it won't work for everyone. But for me, my children are still pretty good nappers. So this is possible. But why?

Well, my husband and I realized that our children tend to get in the most trouble when we are trying to "get things done," or "watch our show," or "finish that blog post."  

I'm not sure that it is really that they behave worse during those times, all though I wouldn't be surprised if that is true. The minute I get on the phone, I swear my children are about 5 times as loud as any other time during the day.  But it is during those times that I am also the least attentive and the least patient.

This leads to kids getting warning after warning after warning, with little follow through, until mommy explodes in impatience and sends the child to time out.  The kids push the buttons, because they know that I'm not paying attention and they can probably get away with it, at least for a while. 

Ultimately, whenever we as parents allow ourselves to become distracted, we find ourselves in a very contentious and stressed home.

So we figured it would be a good goal to eliminate those types of situations as much as possible.

                                                                      Source: thediymommy.com via Pinterest

And rule number one has actually helped with that quite a bit. If your children don't nap, rule number 1 is a good way to still get in your "you" time. I wake up at 5:00-5:30 in the morning and usually have enough time to shower, dress, read scriptures, and look at all my favorite websites before my kids wake up.

This allows me to still do things I like, while making sure to dedicate my full attention to my children while they are awake.

This rule doesn't mean that the house doesn't get cleaned. This rule doesn't mean you can't sit down and watch a movie with your child. I think the point of this rule, for me, is to make sure that what I am doing during the time my kids are awake are things that they can do or enjoy with me.

For example, Kay L-O-V-E-S to do the dishes. And Emmie gets a kick out of helping me switch the laundry. And all three of us like to sit & snuggle while watching a Disney movie. But again, these are things we can do together. Things that won't distract me and make me impatient. They are children appropriate.

                                                                          Source: mormonistic.tumblr.com via Pinterest

And BONUS, this rule makes sure that I am making wonderful memories with my kids. It forces me to sit down and pretend with my children, even if I'm not that good at it. It makes me rethink my excuses. It makes me be the Mom I really need and desire to be. The mom I hope my kids will remember, the mom that spent time with them.

And so I leave my blogging and pinteresting and facebooking, and sometimes my more detail oriented chores or church assignments for early morning, nap time, and night time. Or that is the goal anyways.

I'm hoping that writing this will help me as much as writing the last rule did. This is my biggest biggest struggle, and I'd really love from here on out to become all "good days" as far as this rule is concerned.  It takes 30 days to make a habit, right?  

Expect a report in December ;].

What are some ways you have made an effort to be a more involved parent? Any good rules I should know about? Tips or tricks?

The Mommy Rules

One of the main reasons why I decided to start this blog was to hold myself accountable. Accountable to make the changes I needed to make, in order to be a better mother, wife, daughter, and friend.

Right now, I want to focus on becoming a better mother.

I have made goals, over and over again, about the type of person I would like to be.  But what good is a goal if you never do what it takes to meet that goal?

 For such a long time I have wanted to be a mom that jumps right into the action with my kids and makes memories with them.  For such a long time I have wanted to be a mom that doesn't sweat the small stuff. For.such.a.long.time I have wanted to show my beautiful children that they are more important to me than any hobby, chore, or T.V. show.

I want to show them that I care about what they care about. I want to show them that their desires, wishes, and dreams are just as important to me as my own are.

                                                         Source: spirituallythinking.blogspot.com via (Megan) on Pinterest

But after months of just sitting and wishing that I could be that mom, without any game plan on how to get there, I continued to be exactly who I was. I continued to put myself first. Almost always.

Which is why, eventually, I forced myself to sit down and come up with what I (now) affectionately call my "Mommy Rules."  I understand that all family circumstances are different, and that these rules may not be feasible for others. For me though, they have really helped me to put a concentrated effort into parenting deliberately, rather than by the "seat of my pants".

And so I share them, hoping that they might be useful to other mothers out there, who may be struggling with some of the same things I am.  Which brings me to rule numero uno...  

{ Rule No. 1: Don't Show Up to Work Late. }

Having had plenty of opportunity in my life to work outside of the home, I have learned a thing or two about successful business habits. And the first habit, upon which all of the rest hinge, is showing up on time for your job---dressed, ready, and determined to put in your best effort.

For me, my job was something I took pride in doing well. I made sure to get to work early so that I could prepare myself, mentally, for what needed to be done. I enjoyed 'putting my all' into doing the best job I could for my employers.

And then I realized something. I was not putting that same dedication, devotion, and effort into my parenting. Rather, I looked at being home as "my time." My opportunity to rest and relax. My chance to do whatever I wanted. My break.

And I would get upset when I was "interrupted" by my children.  Please, go watch your T.V, so I can read my blogs.  Seriously, just play by yourselves! I want to work on my photo books! For five seconds, babies, just wait, I really want to finish these dishes!

...I don't think I need to explain what was wrong with that attitude but, suffice it to say, when I realized what I was doing, I was pretty ashamed. My whole life I have always (and quite sincerely) believed that being a mother is the most important job I can do. That family should always be more important than work.  But my choices were telling a completely different story.

And the story was titled "Me, me, me, me, me!"

And that is when I decided to change. To put just as much, if not more, dedication into motherhood as I did into my work. Being a mother is a job (in a good way). And my children deserve to have a mother who is willing to do that job well. Who loves them enough to be dressed, ready, and determined to be exactly what they need me to be. And for me, rule number one, was the way I decided to start being a better mother.

So how do I practically apply rule number one in my life? I make sure to wake up before my kids do.  Usually, dare I say it, around 5 am.  I say my morning prayers, I shower and dress, I read my scriptures, and then spend whatever time I have left doing something just for me. Like blogging, checking e-mails, pinterest.

Now trust me, I am not much of a morning person. And this rule is not easy for me. And I far from religiously live this rule. But, inevitably, whenever I fail to get up before my children do I find myself reverting to how I was before. I start to ignore my children so I can meet my own needs. The T.V. is turned on and the children are shuffled from one distraction to the next, so I can do whatever it is I feel like I need to do.

If I wake up early, however, I can do everything I need to do before they even open their sweet little eyes.  By the time they are awake, I am prepared physically and mentally to meet their needs (without having to sacrifice my own!) and to begin focusing on the type of mother I described above. The type of mom that will go out of her way to make her children pancakes for breakfast, instead of cereal, just because it makes them happy.

                                                          Source: justsweetandsimple.blogspot.com via (Megan) on Pinterest

And so I'm working on making this rule a habit. And now I'm holding myself responsible not only to my children, but also to you, all of my friends, to make sure that I do!

I've heard it said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. If that is the case, I am to determined to put insanity behind me...and really change. Try something new, like my Mommy Rules, to get the different results I have been hoping for.

And I am excited for this journey.

I'll share more of my 'Mommy Rules' down the road, but for now... I think this is enough text for one post! ;]
Do you have any 'rules' that help you in your day to day life? I'd really like to make "Eat Chocolate" one of my daily rules... sadly, that might break the bank. And going broke is already against one of my rules. ;] Bummer, dude.